The Sejadah Story

What??
A story about a sejadah (praying mat)?

Yes. You are not in the wrong blog.
Your eyes are not playing a trick on you.
But this is not really a holy-holy post though, haha.

Since it is Raya, it is common for cousins to come to your house and all.
And of course, as a Muslim, we need to perform our prayers five times a day,
no matter where no matter what (ahem).

So, it's Maghrib, and some of the cousins need a sejadah to pray.
I was too busy in the kitchen (ahem again) that time.

Dad came to me and said,

"Pinjam sejadah satu. Tak cukup satu je."

"Oh, okay."

So i went to my room to look for take the sejadah.
And dad followed me into my room.
Damn.

"Err.. kat mane pulak ni eh.."

I looked everywhere.
But it was nowhere to be found.
Damn damn damn.

"Aih, takkan la sejadah sendiri pun tak tau kat mane letak."

Shit, i thought to myself.

*pretends to be busy looking*

Then dad gave me the 'don't-fuck-with-me' face.

"Entah la. Tak tau la kat mane. Bibik pergi basuh kot.

Baru balik cuti kan, barang tak kemas lagi la."

That's the best reason i could give.
Damn.

"Ha elok la tu. Tak sembahyang berapa bulan dah?"

And he left.

*still pretending to be busy looking*

-------------------------------------------

Oh damn.
So, i told my sis about what had happened.
She said,

"Tu la. Padan muka. Lain kali always standby la satu letak kat tepi. Hahahahah"

Ish ish ish..
Astaghfirullahalazim.

The Rotten Habit

After packing and unpacking my stuffs, from college to home,
i discovered something.
I have a bad habit.
A very very rotten habit.

I like to keep things.
Papers, bank slips, receipts, cigarette boxes, everything.
Rubbish.
But nothing's rotten bout that.

Wanna go to the sauna?

I tend to keep things, even when it's rotten/spoilt/rosak.
And in this case, it's food.

No, i don't keep nasi lemak or sate or whatever.
Usually, it's things like chocolates, sweets, biscuits, cakes, snacks, jajan, whatever.
They are the victims.

During the Raya season, there's a lot of cakes and kuihs in my house.
So, i brought a tupperware full of Kek Lapis Sarawak to college.
Of course, i couldn't finish it.
So, i kept it away in the cupboard, and totally forgot about it.

E.coli? Check. Fungi? Check. Salmonella? Check.

My sister likes to bake cakes, and everything that she bakes tastes hella good.
But the same thing happens, and in this case, the victim is a Chocolate Marble Cheese Cake.
I brought it to college, eat some, then keep it, and then forget. (err sorry Sis)

Doesn't look like marble to me alright

It's not that i don't want to eat it, it's not that it tastes bad (i wouldn't bring it in the first place then) or anything.
It's just procrastination at its highest level.
Whenever i remembered about it, i would go

"Ahh nanti la makan.. takde mood la."

And so i end up forgetting about the whole thing.
Damn.

Fruits are no exceptions too.
Especially fruits that needs to be peeled off, like pears, apples and such.

I said fruit, not speaker. Focus!

I would always take fruits from the dining hall in my college, and put it in my room.
Just to let it rot, i guess.


Even my friends ask me when am i going to throw THAT rotten pear.
Rather than throwing it straight away, i would say,

"Ala, nanti la.. biar je la dulu.. Sibuk ar kau.."

Once, i collected quite a number of fruits, enough to make a fruit basket and left it all in my friend's room.
One day, monkeys break into his room, and made a mess out of the rotten fruits.
Nice eh?
Sorry bro, my fault. hehe

Dude, where's my balls?

I've learned my lesson, and i i'll try to kick this habit away.
So, as a punishment to myself, i forced myself to come up with a pantun.

Kalau dimakan semua nanti gemuk,

Kalau tak dimakan pulak merajuk,

Kalau disimpan nanti berlapuk,

Hai, susah susah bagi je kat beruk!

The Fuel Lid/Cover

This is the continuation of the post entitled I Filled Up the Gas for Free.
If you haven't read it yet, it is advisable that you read it first so that you can attain the maximum input from
the story.
Click here to read it.

---------------------------------------------------

So, right after filling up the gas with the girlfy at the Kg. Baru Petronas station,
we decided to go to Mid Valley to pick up our booked cinema ticket, Jennifer's Body.

To avoid the after-office traffic jam,  we used some shortcuts here and there (Girlfy is GPS).
We even used the University Malaya exits to avoid traffic.
And just right outside UM, near the Pantai area, something weird happened.

There were quite a lot of cars on the road, and the traffic was somewhat heavy.
Then there was this rempitmotorcyclist beside our car.
The windscreen was wind down (the Kancil Turbo has faulty air-conds) and this motorcyclist guy is shouting to us, from the girlfy's side.

Kak, kak!

The guy was shouting to the girlfy, and he was pointing towards the car.
I looked at the guy, and i was like, what the hell is wrong with this him?
I'm afraid that he might snatch the girlfy's handbag or something (this cases do happen).

I looked again at him, and he looks kinda familiar.
Wait, this guy looks familiar.
Oh, it's a faculty mate.
Then he shouted,

Eh, Arip!
Weh, tempat minyak kau terbukak doh!

I couldn't really hear him because both of us were speeding.
After a while, i managed to understand what he was saying, and so i immediately stopped by the road
to take a look.

Indeed. The fuel lid was open, and the fuel tank's lid was right on top of the car.
Still there, unmoved.

Gempak tak?

I'm not sure how did the thing can manage to stay up there from Kg. Baru to Bangsar via Damansara.
It's as if the thing did not move at all, even after some extreme manoeuvres and all.
What are the odds?

I would not want to imagine what would, or could have happened if i did not realise about the fuel lid.
Just a flick of a cigarette would blow us into smithereens, and you would be reading some tragic story in the newspaper instead of this post.

Now, THAT, was close.
I still do have a little bit of luck in me i guess.

So, the moral of the story is

If you want to take money which is not yours, always be EXTRA careful after that.

Never ever take anything that doesn't belong to you. 

Honesty is the best policy.

Or are there more lessons?

Ahh.. whatever. I learned mine.

The Lighter Story

When i say lighter, i'm not referring to weight issues (light/heavy) or even colour (light/dark).

What i'm referring to, in this post are lighters, as in, the device, the mechanism that is used to create flame. Okay?

So, if you're a smoker, you'd probably be familiar with a range of lighters. The most common ones are the Cricket lighters, or maybe Aladdin lighters. There are also some lighters without brands. People don't really care. As long as it serves its purpose, then that's fine.

Cricket: Tahan Lebih Lama

Some, would beg to differ. A Zippo lighter is considered a fashion accessory. Zippo lighters are not only more expensive, they are also look more classy, refillable, and would certainly make the owner more appealing to women. For some, that is.

So, why the hell am i rambling about lighters?

Well, lighters are a pretty big issue, although it may cost just RM1.20 (not Zippo though).

For real, like, really?

You see, for people who smoke, lighters are very important. Without a lighter, how the fuck would you light up the cigarette, right?

Asking for a lighter would be a massive pain, and somewhat embarrassing, especially for someone with an ego bigger than Kanye West's.

And using matches is a big no-no in the public.

The biggest problem with basic lighters is...

They are all too similar.

Which means, they got lost too easily.

So, that is why most people hold on to their lighters very tightly.

Its importance is far greater than of cellphones and ICs.

And THAT is why a person who takes others' lighters are not accepted by the community.

Since these people tend to be friends and people that we know, calling them thieves would seem a bit harsh.

Therefore, i would like to call these people 'the lighter larcenist'.

Besides, it has a more sex appeal to it haha.

A larcenist is a person who commits larceny. Well, that's logic, right?

If you don't understand the meaning of 'larceny', look up the dictionary,

and hey, you've just learned a new word!

I know a lot of lighter larcenists.

And some of them are my best friends.

Let's take this one particular friend for example.

He's very very patriotic too.

He often, if not everytime, takes other people's lighters.

Accidental or not, it happens too many a time.

Even me myself, have fallen victim to his tactics, a few times!

Some of his modus operandi are:

• Eh, tu bukan lighter aku ke? Warna same la. Bak sini balik.

• Upon looking at a stray lighter, usually in other people's room, he would claim that that lighter was his.

Well, there's too many too mention. And this 'profession' of his, is also recognized internationally!

He confessed that he took some drunken guy's lighter at a nightclub, in Berlin!

Talk about expanding your business! Way to go.

This other friend of mine, Jon, was another victim to his sly tactics. This Jon guy has tried many ways to counter the lighter larcenist's tactics, but to no avail.

Some of his measures to counter the lighter larcenist are

• Buying a lighter with a lamp, which makes him easier to spot his lighter. And also very unique too.
• Tying his lighter at his cupboard, a la mamak stall.
• Buying super-duper weird lighters (skeletons, cars, etc.)
• Using matches

So far, the score is

Others 0 - 5 Lighter Larcenist

The accused, wearing a disguise. Click the picture to see him in action.

So, since this friend of mine, Jon, is very frustrated, he tried another way to counter this guy.

How?

Hamekkkk kauuu!

By buying a big, fucking lighter that is!

And when i say big, it means BIG.

Size DOES matter

And it remains to be seen whether this counter-measure is effective or not.

We'll see.

Do you have any other ideas to counter the Lighter Larcenist?

Please help me!

P/S: Smoking is bad for health.

The Haircut Syndrome

We always get a haircut.

It's not really a must, but it's a need to most of us.

People usually cut their hair to make them look good.

Look better.

And feel much better.

To raise their self-esteem.

That is why a lot of people would go like

"Hey checkout my new haircut" everytime they got themselves a haircut.

Because haircuts generally make people feel better.

At least that's what it's supposed to do.

So, i got a haircut.

Just a simple haircut. Nothing fancy. Nothing extraordinary.

And no, not to raise my self-esteem.

But it's because of the forthcoming exams.

I always have the habit of cutting my hair before exams.

So that i can "study" well.

The extra bit of hair would only make my head heavier,

which would disturb my process of studying.

That's how i looked at it, at least.

As much as i would love to keep my hair and let it grow long,

i just can't.

It just looks wrong.

Damn i want the Zac Efron or the 'surfer dude' kinda hairstyle.

This might sound gay but damn his hair is awesome.

But hey, i know myself, and i know my hair even better.

Those kinds of hairstyle are not meant for my type of hair.

I can't pull it off.

I don't have super straight hair.

Not curly either, but more towards wavy.

That's why i stick to semi-mohawk style of mine.

Whatever.

The thing is, and back to the main point of haircuts,

there's a lil' something that i wanna share with you.

I call it the haircut syndrome.

I found this graph somewhere on the net.

Don't you think that it's true?

I'm sure that most, if not all, of you can somehow relate to the graph.

Take a look at it again.

It's just bloody accurate. Don't you think?

When you start the haircutting process, you'll be all excited thinking of how great your hair would look like.

As it goes along, the excitement builds more and more.

Approximately 5 minutes before the end of your haircut, you would say to yourself

"This is just perfect."

But somehow, after the barber/hairstylist/mamak/amoi adds a little bit of the finishing touch,

your hair will somehow look terrible.

Or maybe suddenly it looks terrible on its own.

Don't you agree?

And the worst part is,

when they show you the mirror at the back of your head to complete it all,

you'd go like

"yeah yeah, that's good, that's how i wanted it" or "owh, okay cantik cantik".

But deep down inside, there's a feeling of.. i don't know, reluctance?

Regret? Dissatisfaction?

Shitty?

But the good thing is, around a week after your haircut, you would feel much better and say,

"Hey, it's not that bad. It looks even better now."

So, the conclusion is,

always ask the barber/hairstylist/mamak/amoi to stop 5 minutes earlier,

so that you won't feel shitty.

But, that would make it the new 'end', which would also make you feel shitty.

So, stop 10 minutes earlier.

But then again, wait, this is never ending..

It's not that i hate it, it's okay but it's just.. arghh.. But i still look good anyway haha

So, the final conclusion is,

don't get a haircut.

The best haircut is the one you walked into the salon/barbershop with.

Futsal Shoe Surgery

My futsal boots, or my futsal shoe is in a bad condition.

Since i've been scoring too much goals, the right-front part of my right right shoe is torn.

Unfortunately, there's no picture of that.

I love this shoe. It has been with me for around 3 years.

And it has helped me to score and also create thousands of countless goals.

I just can't let her go, yet.

So, yesterday, i went to send her for a surgery.

A shoe surgery that is.

It badly needs a surgery.

Mr.cobbler, please be gentle with her

I sent it to the cobbler at PJ Section 14. Just beside the Maybank.

Since the process took about less than half an hour, so i opted to wait for my dearest shoe.

That's gotta hurt

I asked the cobbler to sew her whole body, to avoid future tears.

Since he's at it, i asked him to sew the whole pair, all round.

And it costs me just RM20.

Looks like the new Nike CTR 360, worn by Fabregas,

will have to wait then.

Why spend when you can save, right?

After the surgery

Now, my baby is back with me, all patched up.

And i'm off the injury list already.

Looks like i'm gonna SCORE tonight! (no pun intended)

Love and Sorrow : The Tale of the Swallows

This is a true story, captured in a few photos.

This story is about two swallows (Burung Layang-layang), presumably male and female, or a couple, or lovebirds.

This story shows to us humans, that animals have feelings too.

It is very touching to see that even a bird can show so much compassion towards its partner.

The female swallow, the girlfy to the male swallow, is injured.

She was hit by a car, and she's in a critical condition.

However, she was still breathing, hanging on for dear life.

"Help me!"

Then, the boyfy of the female swallow came to her aid.

She brought some food for her.

How sweet. The boyfy was very caring and he really loves his girlfy very much.

"Don't you worry darling, for i am here"

The boyfy then went away to get some more food for the dying girlfy.

Unfortunately, when he came back..

...the girlfy is dead.

"Sayang.. bangun laa.. I bawak makanan ni.."

The boyfy could not believe it!

His beloved partner has left him forever.

He tried and tried to wake his girlfy, but sadly, to no avail.

"Dont leave me please!!!"

The boyfy cried and screamed as hard as he could.

He was too late. Even tears of blood could not bring the girlfy back.

"You will always be in my heart.. forever."

He finally realised that the girlfy has left him forever.

He stood there for days and nights, just to accompany the body of the girlfy.

His love for her remains.. forever.

"Okay then, time to find another girl."

So, you see,

even swallows have feelings. And they showed it pretty well.

Humans think that they are the only ones with feelings..

Now think again.

They have feelings too.

Take good care of your loved ones, before it's too late.

Kaki Bengkak

I got a swollen foot. My precious left foot is swollen!

My left ankle, to be more precise.

Approximately 30 minutes after impact

I really fucking hate it when this happens. This kind of injury has been haunting me for years.

I had just recovered from a sprained ankle, my right one.

And just a few days after that, now my it's the other side's turn.

Talk about being fair huh.

So much for the Fabregas-inspired thingy, now i'm injured.

Cannot play futsal for at least a few days.

Damn.

Normal, un-bengkak right foot

So, as usual, me being me, after being on the receiving end of a vicious swipe from another teammate(yes, teammate!), i continued playing.

It was an accident though, no worries.

I should have gone out of the game to treat it, but instead, being the typical me,

i played like usual.

Somehow it looks kinda.. weird. With all the "urat" around

So, after the match, i can barely walk properly.

To prevent the swell from "masuk angin", or so they say, i quickly grabbed an ice pack and applied it to the unlucky part.

Make-shift ice-pack

So, later that night, i went for an "urut" session.

No no, i did not go to a rumah urut.

And the term "urut" will be used instead of massage, because it just sounds.. more annoying.

I wonder what's the connection between massage and Marlboro

Since my official physio a.k.a the girlfy is not available, i had to go to my UM physio, Mr. Iqbal.

Mr. Iqbal is also good in "urut", but his technique is mainly catered to "buang angin", as Mr. Kaer would testify.

However, he is equally adept in "urut" for injury.

If only things were this easy

Regarding this "urut" thingy, you either have the talent or not. There's no two ways about it. People who are expert in "urut" knows exactly what to do, where to apply pressure and so on.

Some even have their own pantang larang such as

• There are specific times only for the "urut"
• No "urut" at night
• You have to pay something to the masseur, no matter how small the amount
• There's a limit to a number of person that can be "urut"-ed

..and so on.

Magic Potion a.k.a Minyak Gamat (phone and pail not included)

Luckily, i got my magic potion, traditionally named as Minyak Gamat for the "urut" process.

So, the "urut" session must be around 30 minutes, said Mr.Iqbal.

Argh, damn. 30 minutes of hell for me.

It felt like

F O R E V E R

After the "urut". Somehow my feet looks more vibrant haha

The pain was unbearable i tell you. Tak boleh tahan woo.

Sakit nak mampus.

And only now i remember the golden rules to treat a swollen ankle.

RICE.

• Rest
• Ice
• Compress
• Elevate

..which of course i did not obey.

Coconut Milk Rice

Who the fuck remembers about RICE when they are out playing sports? All i could think of was of course rice as in food.

hehehe

Thanks a lot to Mr.Iqbal for his willingness to "urut" my ankle, while making me suffer incredible pain.

Gambar hiasan. Do not go

And to Mr.Dzul who injured me(accidentally, ahem), you need to treat me to a rumah urut! hahahahahahaha

On the brighter side, now i have a reason to NOT go to class!

Bohsia

What would you get when you cross Kenny Sia and a Teh Boh?

Or, should the question be,

what will happen to Kenny Sia if he drinks Teh Boh?

+

He will become...

Boh-sia!!!

What is Bohsia? What is the meaning of bohsia?

Literally, bohsia comes from the word "Boh" and "Sia" in Hokkien.

"Boh" means No and "Sia" means sound, which directly means no sound

By definition, bohsia means a female slut, or a cheap girl, or something similar to that.

I'm talking about Bohsia's because i just recently watched a movie called Bohsia : Jangan Pilih Jalan Hitam. I'm not sure when is the movie dated but i guess it's quite a recent movie. I watched it in my laptop, not at the cinemas.

Habis pilih jalan warna apa?

It stars Nabila Huda, who also happens to be the most natural-looking Bohsia ever, Shamsul Yusof, also the director of the movie, Aaron Aziz, Diana Danielle and some other actors i forgot.

The movie's storyline is not bad. There are a lot of lessons to be learned and all that stuffs.

Then there's also the usual 'aksi panas' in the movie, which seems to be a norm in Malaysian movies lately. The ending of the story is of course not a happy ending, since the movie actually aims to educate people and to prevent people from getting involved in shit like mat rempit, pelacur, drugs, Bohsia and everything.

Eh jom pegi makan

The language used in the movie is quite annoying, though. Typical Malay teen language. Watch it and you'll know it after just 5 minutes.

What is good about the movie is that it actually depicts the true situation here in Malaysia. Drugs and pills, smoking among teenagers, illegal racing, pimps and whores, incest, and what not. Everything in this movie is happening in the real world, no exaggerations.

All in all, it's a good movie. Not bad for a Malaysian made movie. And the actors play their role superbly as well.

That's all about Bohsia the movie for today.

Not real-life experience(s).

Oh, and by the way, no offense to Kenny Sia.

Just using his name as it rhymes so well.

LOL

The Soya Bean Sial Story

My Ramadhan is never complete without some sort of sialness.
This thing happened earlier in the month of Ramadhan, sometime around the week before last.

Since it's the first few days of Ramadhan, the whole concept of Pasar Ramadhan or "Param" is on everybody's mind, really.
The nearest, easiest and the best Param around UM area is the one at Section 17 Petaling Jaya, near UIA.

I've been going there since a few years ago, so it's nothing really new actually. It's quite big, and the selection is okay. That was last year. This year, it's not as meriah as it used to be. There are lesser stalls, lesser choices, and maybe slightly more expensive.

What i remember the most about the Param is the Soya Bean drink. There's this stall last year, where it sells Soya Bean, of course (duh). It claims to be the "Biggest Soya Bean in 17".
Whoa, what a bold claim, huh?

The soya bean in all its glory

It's not surprising, since it is really big, and one packet costs RM2. And it serves around 3-4 people easily. Yeah, it is that big, and it is kinda cheap.

So, on one fateful day, which was around two weeks ago, me and my friends decided to go there.
We decided to go there since the lauk offered at the Dewan Makan in my college that day was kinda shitty.
Biasalah, memilih.

We only went out of UM at around 6.30pm, which was of course quite late, considering the traffic and all.
We somehow managed to reach there on time though.

Once we set our foot over there, the whole rush of nafsu to buy everything came. Nothing new really, heheh. Well, with me being me, i decided to take a look around first, buy later. Well that's my philosophy.

So, i walked right till the end of the Param without buying anything. I refused to buy anything. Not until on my way back. It's the case of survey everything first, buy later lah.

Then, i found the Soya Bean stall. The exact stall which claims to sell the biggest Soya in Section 17. So, i made my first purchase.
A hot soya bean.
Being a smartass, i thought that buying the hot one is better than the cold one. The ice will surely melt, and it will spoil the taste of the Soya Bean drink. I could always get ice from my Dewan Makan, no problem.

So, we made our way back slowly, going through all the crowd. It was already late, and i still haven't bought anything to eat. Nevermind, there's always more in front.
But as i walked along, there seems to be less and less food left. The ones that i had on my mind earlier were all finished. Oh, nevermind, there's always more in front.

As the berbuka puasa time approaches, things started to get frantic. People are desperate, so they just simply buy anything that they can get their hands on.
Maybe it's because it's still early days in Ramadhan, all the stalls are finished early. Everybody buys from there, and they didn't cook enough food, or whatever.

Which means, i don't actually get the chance to buy anything.
As i walked along, almost back to the starting point, there seems to be nothing left already.
What the fuck?

And so, i went back, without nothing except a bloody so-called Biggest Soya.
Yes, that's all.

I didn't buy anything. No food. At all. Just soya bean. Nice eh?

As we were crossing the street to get to the car, the azan is heard. So, imagine having your berbuka puasa right in the middle of the road with nothing except the fucking soya.
And to make things worse, the knot on the Soya plastic is kinda hard to open, so i had to drink a friend's drink. Great.

So in the end, we went back to the college and tapau the fucking leftovers from the Dewan Makan, which was almost closing, that time. It couldn't get any worse, don't you think?
Yeah, in the end i had to settle with the shitty food.

When i finally managed to open my drink while eating the shitty shitty food, the sial doesn't stop there.
The Soya Bean is sugarless. Not the healthy-kind-of-type sugarless, but plain sugarless. Soya Bean drink without air gula.
And how the fuck would that taste, let me ask you?

By that time, i was starting to get fucking cranky. Imagine this.
You are hungry. You went to a Param to get some food. You only end up buying a fucking soya bean. And you had to settle for a shitty food from the Dewan Makan.
And, the Soya fucking Bean is not even drinkable.
So much for the "ice will melt and spoil the Soya" shit.

So, i put aside the Soya first, and i made my own Grape cordial instead. Damn.
Pathetic.
Nak makan pun tak ada selera dah.

Later that night, i made my own Air Gula to add to the Soya Bean.
And no, the sial doesn't stop there. No no.

I simply mixed the Air Gula with the Soya Bean drink without even checking it.
What?

Tau Fu Fa in a packet?

Yes, the whole fucking packet of the tasteless Soya Bean is spoilt. It's curdled, just like Tau Fu Fa.
Fuck fuck fuck.

I still didn't give up though. I shook the packet to mix it back again. Successful, kinda.
Oh, what the hell, please just let me drink my Soya Bean.

And yes, it was masam already.
Fuck fuck fuck again.
Why me????

I finally gave up, and put the Soya Bean to where it truly belongs. The dustbin.
What a waste.
That made me super duper cranky for the whole fucking day.

And i have never bought Soya Bean ever since.