Monday, November 2, 2009

The Lighter Story


When i say lighter, i'm not referring to weight issues (light/heavy) or even colour (light/dark).
What i'm referring to, in this post are lighters, as in, the device, the mechanism that is used to create flame. Okay?

So, if you're a smoker, you'd probably be familiar with a range of lighters. The most common ones are the Cricket lighters, or maybe Aladdin lighters. There are also some lighters without brands. People don't really care. As long as it serves its purpose, then that's fine.

Cricket: Tahan Lebih Lama

Some, would beg to differ. A Zippo lighter is considered a fashion accessory. Zippo lighters are not only more expensive, they are also look more classy, refillable, and would certainly make the owner more appealing to women. For some, that is.

So, why the hell am i rambling about lighters?
Well, lighters are a pretty big issue, although it may cost just RM1.20 (not Zippo though).

For real, like, really?

You see, for people who smoke, lighters are very important. Without a lighter, how the fuck would you light up the cigarette, right?
Asking for a lighter would be a massive pain, and somewhat embarrassing, especially for someone with an ego bigger than Kanye West's.
And using matches is a big no-no in the public.

The biggest problem with basic lighters is...
They are all too similar.
Which means, they got lost too easily.

So, that is why most people hold on to their lighters very tightly.
Its importance is far greater than of cellphones and ICs.

And THAT is why a person who takes others' lighters are not accepted by the community.
Since these people tend to be friends and people that we know, calling them thieves would seem a bit harsh.

Therefore, i would like to call these people 'the lighter larcenist'.
Besides, it has a more sex appeal to it haha.

A larcenist is a person who commits larceny. Well, that's logic, right?
If you don't understand the meaning of 'larceny', look up the dictionary,
and hey, you've just learned a new word!

I know a lot of lighter larcenists.
And some of them are my best friends.
Let's take this one particular friend for example.

He's very very patriotic too.

He often, if not everytime, takes other people's lighters.
Accidental or not, it happens too many a time.

Even me myself, have fallen victim to his tactics, a few times!

Some of his modus operandi are:
  • Eh, tu bukan lighter aku ke? Warna same la. Bak sini balik.
  • Upon looking at a stray lighter, usually in other people's room, he would claim that that lighter was his.
Well, there's too many too mention. And this 'profession' of his, is also recognized internationally!
He confessed that he took some drunken guy's lighter at a nightclub, in Berlin!
Talk about expanding your business! Way to go.

This other friend of mine, Jon, was another victim to his sly tactics. This Jon guy has tried many ways to counter the lighter larcenist's tactics, but to no avail.
Some of his measures to counter the lighter larcenist are
  • Buying a lighter with a lamp, which makes him easier to spot his lighter. And also very unique too.
  • Tying his lighter at his cupboard, a la mamak stall.
  • Buying super-duper weird lighters (skeletons, cars, etc.)
  • Using matches
So far, the score is

Others 0 - 5 Lighter Larcenist

The accused, wearing a disguise. Click the picture to see him in action.

So, since this friend of mine, Jon, is very frustrated, he tried another way to counter this guy.
How?

Hamekkkk kauuu!

By buying a big, fucking lighter that is!
And when i say big, it means BIG.


Size DOES matter

And it remains to be seen whether this counter-measure is effective or not.
We'll see.

Do you have any other ideas to counter the Lighter Larcenist?
Please help me!

P/S: Smoking is bad for health.


9 comments:

chris_lim said...

Lol i was wondering y the lighter larcenist looks familiar. That guy from byclive.blogspot rupenye with lots of his face edited on pics =.=

btw, that lighter is frikking huge. More like a torch! They should call it 'heavier'.

Azuan said...

Bro, never carry a lighter when u go to a club or tempat ramai awek. Asking for a light is a good conversation starter. Works all the time :)

Arief Arf said...

chris,
yeah, THAT guy.haha
n by the way, heavier is a great name for the.. err.. lighter.

azuan,
tu tactic zaman 80an la bro!
as for me, awek yang datang mintak lighter ok? not the other way round.
haahhahahaha

YobSumO said...

haha yeah size does matter!

easy, what you can do is ban this lighter larcenist from the community. pakat la ramai ramai. if he ask what's wrong, tell him the truth.

kalau tak jalan, culik dia ikat kat pokok. hbs cerita =D

lizz said...

Oh My God, where u bought the big one huh? too big but its unique too

violet turns grey said...

haha collecting zippo and old casio watches (the square one) is my hobby now!

i love zippo!

Anonymous said...

erm, masalah lighter ni mmg x pernah abis kan? hahaha.

Arief Arf said...

yobsumo,
good idea! hahah

lizz,
yeah, and its just rm7!

violet,
oh really? maybe u could give me one.
haha

anonymous,
memang tak akan pernah habis laa..

Syafiq said...

I like Cricket lighters. I have the exact blue one as the one on top! And a few more colours. Love the feeling of Cricket lighters. Hahahas. Zippos are cool. (:

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