The Lighter Story

When i say lighter, i'm not referring to weight issues (light/heavy) or even colour (light/dark).

What i'm referring to, in this post are lighters, as in, the device, the mechanism that is used to create flame. Okay?

So, if you're a smoker, you'd probably be familiar with a range of lighters. The most common ones are the Cricket lighters, or maybe Aladdin lighters. There are also some lighters without brands. People don't really care. As long as it serves its purpose, then that's fine.

Cricket: Tahan Lebih Lama

Some, would beg to differ. A Zippo lighter is considered a fashion accessory. Zippo lighters are not only more expensive, they are also look more classy, refillable, and would certainly make the owner more appealing to women. For some, that is.

So, why the hell am i rambling about lighters?

Well, lighters are a pretty big issue, although it may cost just RM1.20 (not Zippo though).

For real, like, really?

You see, for people who smoke, lighters are very important. Without a lighter, how the fuck would you light up the cigarette, right?

Asking for a lighter would be a massive pain, and somewhat embarrassing, especially for someone with an ego bigger than Kanye West's.

And using matches is a big no-no in the public.

The biggest problem with basic lighters is...

They are all too similar.

Which means, they got lost too easily.

So, that is why most people hold on to their lighters very tightly.

Its importance is far greater than of cellphones and ICs.

And THAT is why a person who takes others' lighters are not accepted by the community.

Since these people tend to be friends and people that we know, calling them thieves would seem a bit harsh.

Therefore, i would like to call these people 'the lighter larcenist'.

Besides, it has a more sex appeal to it haha.

A larcenist is a person who commits larceny. Well, that's logic, right?

If you don't understand the meaning of 'larceny', look up the dictionary,

and hey, you've just learned a new word!

I know a lot of lighter larcenists.

And some of them are my best friends.

Let's take this one particular friend for example.

He's very very patriotic too.

He often, if not everytime, takes other people's lighters.

Accidental or not, it happens too many a time.

Even me myself, have fallen victim to his tactics, a few times!

Some of his modus operandi are:

• Eh, tu bukan lighter aku ke? Warna same la. Bak sini balik.

• Upon looking at a stray lighter, usually in other people's room, he would claim that that lighter was his.

Well, there's too many too mention. And this 'profession' of his, is also recognized internationally!

He confessed that he took some drunken guy's lighter at a nightclub, in Berlin!

Talk about expanding your business! Way to go.

This other friend of mine, Jon, was another victim to his sly tactics. This Jon guy has tried many ways to counter the lighter larcenist's tactics, but to no avail.

Some of his measures to counter the lighter larcenist are

• Buying a lighter with a lamp, which makes him easier to spot his lighter. And also very unique too.
• Tying his lighter at his cupboard, a la mamak stall.
• Buying super-duper weird lighters (skeletons, cars, etc.)
• Using matches

So far, the score is

Others 0 - 5 Lighter Larcenist

The accused, wearing a disguise. Click the picture to see him in action.

So, since this friend of mine, Jon, is very frustrated, he tried another way to counter this guy.

How?

Hamekkkk kauuu!

By buying a big, fucking lighter that is!

And when i say big, it means BIG.

Size DOES matter

And it remains to be seen whether this counter-measure is effective or not.

We'll see.

Do you have any other ideas to counter the Lighter Larcenist?

Please help me!

P/S: Smoking is bad for health.

The Haircut Syndrome

We always get a haircut.

It's not really a must, but it's a need to most of us.

People usually cut their hair to make them look good.

Look better.

And feel much better.

To raise their self-esteem.

That is why a lot of people would go like

"Hey checkout my new haircut" everytime they got themselves a haircut.

Because haircuts generally make people feel better.

At least that's what it's supposed to do.

So, i got a haircut.

Just a simple haircut. Nothing fancy. Nothing extraordinary.

And no, not to raise my self-esteem.

But it's because of the forthcoming exams.

I always have the habit of cutting my hair before exams.

So that i can "study" well.

The extra bit of hair would only make my head heavier,

which would disturb my process of studying.

That's how i looked at it, at least.

As much as i would love to keep my hair and let it grow long,

i just can't.

It just looks wrong.

Damn i want the Zac Efron or the 'surfer dude' kinda hairstyle.

This might sound gay but damn his hair is awesome.

But hey, i know myself, and i know my hair even better.

Those kinds of hairstyle are not meant for my type of hair.

I can't pull it off.

I don't have super straight hair.

Not curly either, but more towards wavy.

That's why i stick to semi-mohawk style of mine.

Whatever.

The thing is, and back to the main point of haircuts,

there's a lil' something that i wanna share with you.

I call it the haircut syndrome.

I found this graph somewhere on the net.

Don't you think that it's true?

I'm sure that most, if not all, of you can somehow relate to the graph.

Take a look at it again.

It's just bloody accurate. Don't you think?

When you start the haircutting process, you'll be all excited thinking of how great your hair would look like.

As it goes along, the excitement builds more and more.

Approximately 5 minutes before the end of your haircut, you would say to yourself

"This is just perfect."

But somehow, after the barber/hairstylist/mamak/amoi adds a little bit of the finishing touch,

your hair will somehow look terrible.

Or maybe suddenly it looks terrible on its own.

Don't you agree?

And the worst part is,

when they show you the mirror at the back of your head to complete it all,

you'd go like

"yeah yeah, that's good, that's how i wanted it" or "owh, okay cantik cantik".

But deep down inside, there's a feeling of.. i don't know, reluctance?

Regret? Dissatisfaction?

Shitty?

But the good thing is, around a week after your haircut, you would feel much better and say,

"Hey, it's not that bad. It looks even better now."

So, the conclusion is,

always ask the barber/hairstylist/mamak/amoi to stop 5 minutes earlier,

so that you won't feel shitty.

But, that would make it the new 'end', which would also make you feel shitty.

So, stop 10 minutes earlier.

But then again, wait, this is never ending..

It's not that i hate it, it's okay but it's just.. arghh.. But i still look good anyway haha

So, the final conclusion is,

don't get a haircut.

The best haircut is the one you walked into the salon/barbershop with.

Exam Ramblings

Okay, now the exams are in full swing, and now i'm in the middle of a 3-in-a-row exam period. I mean 3 days in a row, not 3 exams in one day lah kan.
There's still tomorrow and Saturday. And more next week.

Why are there exams on Saturday? Come on la. Give me a break, i need my Saturdays. Now it's ruined with an exam. Sigh. But then again, there's something to look forward to this Saturday.
Football!

Arfsenal Vs. Manshitster United, that is. Although Arfsenal is kinda sucky lately, and Manshitster United is on a so-called form, i wouldn't bet against Arfsenal though (i would never). They are playing at home, and Manshitster United are playing against wounded animals.
So, anybody wanna bet? Bring it on.

Back to the topics of exams and studies, i am proud to say that i did actually study a lot. So much until my groin hurts (i don't know why). Yeah, now i'm studying really really hard smart. But then again, i don't know why some people seems to be beleaguered and in disbelief when they see me really studying. hahahah

Oh, and since i've been studying (really, i'm not lying) lately, there's something that i found to be quite interesting.

Effectiveness evaluates the extent to which goals are achieved.
Efficiency is measured by the resources/input used to produce products/output.
Efficiency leads to effectiveness.

So, what is so interesting about it? Well, it is true that efficiency leads to effectiveness, which means, when you use your resources well, and perform well, you will get your desired results.

But then again, i beg to differ.
For me, you don't have to be efficient to be effective.
You can be effective, but inefficient at the same time.

Understand what i'm saying?


Lu pikirlah sendiri!

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The story of Double 6 Double 9, and the Triple 6, Nine

Another late post. Should have posted this earlier, but since i am so busy celebrating Deeparaya studying, i did not have much time, to blog. hahaha.

So, in the last post, i said that i'll tell you the story about the Maxis-Celcom thingamajiggy, right?

Actually, i wanted to change from Maxis to Celcom for quite a long time already. From Hotlink, to be precise. Why? Because it's bullshit. They say that the prepaid plan is the cheapest lah, the best lah, and whatever lah, but actually that is all bullshit, to me that is. I rarely SMS, what more call the people outside of my so-called Activ10, or whatever. But still, my credit seems to dissapear just like that.

Sometimes i tried to calculate how much do they actually charge for my calls, as they say it is flat rate all across the country or whatever. I called a friend, whose number is not a Central number, and i called for LESS than a minute. And they charged me RM 0.80 for that. WTF? And one time, i called a friend, whose number is Celcom, and got into his voicemail. By 2 seconds, i hung up. And it costs me 69 bloody cents!

So, i finally decided to change to Celcom Postpaid. Executive Plan with 1+5 thingy. I went straight to the Menara Celcom (it was near my house by the way) with the girlfy, so that i won't have to deal with the branches and other stuffs that might take a long time to process.
At first, i wanted to take up the MNP program, where you can use your Maxis number, and convert it to a Celcom line, which means, my number will still be the same, but now a Celcom line. Interesting. I don't have to tell people that i've changed my number or anything. My number will still be the same. Very interesting.

But then again, to apply for that thing, i would have to wait for around a week, and then some other tnc's. Since i'm in no mood for waiting, i opted to take a new number instead, and i can use it instantly. So, me and the girlfy had the opportunity to choose our own number, by giving the last 4 numbers or the first 3 numbers that we wanted.

In my hands huh?

And this is where the whole process seems like forever. Both of us kept arguing on what number to choose, and yada yada. We chose the last 3 numbers, and so what we did was just look for some nice first 4 numbers. After more than half an hour of choosing and arguing, we finally managed to find a really really good number.

The number was
019-6699xxx and 019-6669xxx

xxx = the last 3 numbers that we have chosen.


Nice numbers. And both of us wanted to take the first one. Yes, easier to pronounce. Double six, double 9, xxx. And so, we fought and argued and what not. Finally, it had to be settled with the classic "one-two jus". Yeah, who cares if everybody's watching. Who cares what will the ever so patient officer will say. So, 5 rounds of "one-two jus". And as expected, i lost.
Sigh.
Okay fine, i'll take triple six, nine, xxx. Not that bad after all la kan. 666 is the number of the devil kan, so sesuai la kan? LOL.

After writing all the necessary details and all, i'm still tak puas hati with my number. Then, i demanded to scour for a new, more interesting number. Punya la sibuk sangat kisah nombor. The girlfy agrees, and we went on to check for more numbers. Then i thought to myself,
Baik ambik je nombor ni cepat. Karang cari-cari baru tak jumpa yang lawa, nanti nombor yang dah pilih tu orang lain pulak ambik.
So, finally, we took the numbers.
The double 6 double 9, and the triple 6, nine.

Not that bad after all, at least it rhymes, it has less repeating numbers, and i have the same last 3 numbers with the girlfy. Nice huh?
So, i became the primary line, while the girlfy takes the supplementary line plan.

So, we went out of the Menara Celcom, and went for an evening tea, as it was already around 5pm, where the bloody mad rush hour begins. And with rain, of course.

While in the car, my phone rang (no, the new number is not yet activated until 3 hours later). Unfamiliar number. But familiar voice. Oh, the Celcom guy just now.

Encik Mohammad Arief ye? Ni saya dari Celcom. Yang register nombor tu tadi.

Hmm. Okay, this doesn't sound good. What the hell does he want? I paid already right?

Ni ada masalah sikit la. Nombor yang encik nak tu tadi sebenarnye dah ada orang ambik la.

WTF?!?
Macam mana pulak boleh macam tu?!

Ni system ni update die lambat sikit la. Database die update lambat sikit. Sorry ye encik. Nombor tu dah ade orang ambik lebih kurang sejam sebelum encik datang.

La, habis macam mana pulak? Dah bayar semua dah.

Encik pilih nombor baru la. Nombor yang untuk supplementary tu masih ada, cuma nombor encik je yang tak ada.

Okay, now that pissed me off real hard. Why me? Why my number? Why the number that i chose? Why not someone else?
Of all people subscribing a new Celcom line that time, why me?? What are the fucking odds?
Arghhh.

After some lengthy discussions, both me and the girlfy decided to change to a new number. At least it's fair, huh? Lucky that the girlfy agreed though. hahaha.
So, we repeated the same process again.
Choose a new number. Give the last 3 or first 4.
But this time via SMS with the Celcom officer, while sipping hot Milo on a rainy evening. How nice.

In the end, we got a sucky number. Malas nak pilih dah.

019-669xxxx

xxxx = last 4 numbers that we chose.

See? Now not nice oredi. No more double 6 double 9. No more triple 6 or number of the devil or whatever, and no more nice rhymes. So, both of us changed to that number. With different but near numbers in the xxxx, of course.

Bak kata pepatah Melayu,
Yang dikejar tak dapat, yang digendong berciciran.
Last-last dapat sampah.

So much for the "It's in your hands" tagline.
Celcom, you scored -69 on my first impression counter.

But then again, flashy numbers are just for show. As if people will remember your number no matter how "nice" it is. All you get is just a good first impression when you're telling them your number. At the end of the day, no matter how beautiful your number is, they will all end up in a phone book. When people call you, they search for your name, not your beautiful number.
So i guess, it's not that bad after all huh?

Ceh, kata-kata menyedapkan hati sendiri je.
Bila nak sedapkan hati sendiri, pandai la pulak buat pepatah and kesimpulan sendiri kan?

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The Moneyshot?

When living in a place with other people, in my case, the college, there will be times when you encounter different cultures, different mindsets and many weird and new stuffs.
But there's this one particular thing that annoys me.

Whenever i want to use the toilet, there will ALWAYS be people using it. That's okay, since all of us are sharing the same facilities. The toilet in my college is usually packed during the normal peak times. Right now, the in-thing is to go to the toilet after berbuka puasa. Okay, i'm fine with that. I guess everybody wants to do their business or bathe or clean up before praying or do whatever they want.

But lately, during this month of Ramadhan, i observed that the toilet is packed a few minutes before the imsak, which is the start of the fasting period for the day. Now, i wonder, why is the shower cubicle is always occupied during this time? It seems like at that time, the person(s) using the toilet is(are) in a rush.
I made a theory, and told a friend,

Ala, biasa la tu. Nak imsak kan, mesti la nak mandi wajib dulu. hahaha
(If you don't know what mandi wajib is, ask around)

Being a very good person with no bad thoughts of other people whatsoever, he told me that it is not good to think bad of other people and bla bla bla. Whatever. Right. The curiosity ends there.

But then again, looks like the theory is going to be put to test, errr.. involuntarily.

A few minutes before imsak, i went to the toilet, after drinking some algae-flavored water from the water cooler.
The toilet, or jamban okay, not the shower.
And by the way, the shower cubicle is occupied, and someone is bathing at that time.
Who cares.
As i entered the toilet, i saw a shaver, with hairs on it, on the tissue holder or whatever you call that thing.
Gross.

I wouldn't want to think what type of hair is on the shaver, who does it belong to, nor am i curious enough to find out. I closed an eye, and proceed to lift the toilet seat. Luckily, it's clean.

Suddenly, i felt a sticky sensation on my fingers. What the..
Again, gross.

I examined my hands. It's not yellow, nor is it brownish/chocolatey colored.
It's pale-whitish.

I don't know what got into my mind at that time, i proceed to smell the sticky substance on my fingers.

#$#@$@#&*&$%#$%##$%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guess what, air mani.
Gross BIG TIME.

I just fucking touched, and even sniffed some bloody bastard's cum!
Damn, i felt disgusted. I felt cheap!
That's what i get for being overly curious, huh.

After vigourously cleaning/scrubbing/sterilising my hands with all the types of soaps i can get my hands on, the guy who is bathing came out of the shower. Looking all fresh and bright. Fuck you, you sick bloody wanker.

I looked at him by the reflections of the mirror, while still cleaning/scrubbing/sterilising my hands again.
I thought to myself, you'll pay for this, man.
You'll seriously pay for this...
I'll have my payback.

On the brighter note,
My theory is proven right after all.

What a way to start my day.

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Holy Shit!

A few nights ago, i went to a bank in PJ. Right before stepping into the bank, i saw something which is not only disturbing, but also rude and unethical.


I took this photo from inside the bank. Can you see what are they doing?
At a first glance, it may look like the couple is checking on their tyre pressure. haha. But then again, look closely. There's another being in there, which is the daughter. No, you can't see the face of the daughter, but what you see there is actually her ass.



The daughter is shitting right over there, and the proud parents are gladly helping her to do her business, while being oblivious to their surroundings. Come on now, is it so hard to go to a bloody toilet? There's of course a mamak stall just across the street. An for a girl that small, shouldn't she be wearing a diaper?

When i was taking this photo, the mother of the shitting child even dared to give a cold look towards me, as if trying to say,
What you looking-looking? Mind your own business lah, don't be so kaypoh lah!

Am i the one who's guilty now? What the hell right, who cares, you should be ashamed of yourself, your husband and your shitfaced daughter!
So, i took more pictures instead. And post it in this blog. Serves you right.

The mother then wipes her daughter's ass, puts the girl into the car, while the hubby looks over, and just drove off. Just like that. Oh, and they left the present there too.

So, is this how parents these days teach their young ones? Is this how we are brought up?
Isn't there any feeling of shame, or guilt?
If this is the kind of upbringing the girl is having, god knows what will happen to her when she grows up. By the age of 9, she'll be peeing at the back of her school's classroom.

That's the problem with kids these days. Their attitude is wrong. They don't have any respect to anybody anymore. There is no humility. Why?
Don't blame it on the school, don't blame it on friends' influence, or even the government.
Blame the parents.

Luckily, i was brought up by the best parents a child could ask for, where moral values and ethics are very important. So, you won't find me doing that kind of thing in the public. LOL.

And lastly, being a very curious person that i am, i decided to take a look at the "crime scene" after the the "shit family" has left.
A present for a supposedly lovely Ramadhan night.





Baby poop. How cute.

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